Filed under: Pete Doherty, Phone Calls | Tags: 999, Kate Moss, Octopus, Pete Doherty
[Below lies the inspiration for this site. Coming from the unlikeliest of places: an emailed response. The light bulbs went on and here we are…]
Evening. 999 call centre.
Dispatcher looks at call ID display, sees name “Pete Doherty” and sighs heavily.
999: Well… It is a quiet night. Oh man, I know I’m gonna hate myself for this… (picks up) Yes, Pete?
Pete Doherty: What? Fuck. Kate? Uh. Wait. Who is this?
999: What is it now, Pete?
Pete: There’s a fucking giant octopus in me bloody loo. And me fucking bloody loo is covered in blood.
999: Okay, Pete. Sounds like you’re mixing your barbs with your amps again. Go to the fridge and get a beer. Maybe two. Knock them back, try and relax. Close your eyes. Remember that giant octopus tend to avoid bathrooms. They prefer the ocean. That should help you come down. It’s all cool, Pete.
Pete: What? Who the fuck is this??? How did you get my fucking number? (Slams down phone.)
999: Wait for it…
Phone rings. Pete’s name comes up on call display. Dispatcher picks up.
Pete: Where am I? I need help.
999: Sorry, Pete. I’m on my break.
Dispatcher hangs up. Lights cigarette.
submitted by Alan Truitt
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